| "Time and You" was the original title. I still think it's a pretty good fit. This one has more stylistic significance than my other poetry. I put more thought into the craft of this than others and managed to stay true to the original sentiment. |
| "Time and You" was the original title. I still think it's a pretty good fit. This one has more stylistic significance than my other poetry. I put more thought into the craft of this than others and managed to stay true to the original sentiment. |


Status QuoI woke up to you crouching over my hospital bed, "I forgive you" fresh on your lips, the key to my coma. Your eyes were brown and slanted beneath thick brows, black messy hair reminding me how to live. You told me a hundred boring stories in recorded voice, which I listened to without paying attention, savoring the soothing heartbreak of your bass two, and I'll always have that piece of you with me.Status Quo
"I never lied, just so you know."
The early days were made of flattery and secrets, lovely games of Chase Me, Baby, which I did without hesitation or coordination, stu


Weather Through ItThere is blood in my bathwater. I can barely see it. The lights are off, the shower curtain closed. The water is lukewarm and Im shivering, but theres something comforting in the way it ripples over my skin, leaving cold copper deposits in its wake. Instead of ignoring the sounds of my upstairs neighbors lovemaking, I focus on it. Its not an erotic experience. I almost feel their sighs intensifying the goose bumps on my breasts, even though sighs cannot be heard through the ceiling. There is hope in every creak of the mattress, belief that twoWeather Through It


BreathlessI still remember the feel of her chest heaving and quaking under my palm. Each breath rasped through her throat, a cutting sound, full of holes, threadbare, as I said, Breathe, baby, just breathe.Breathless
It came out of nowhere. My cousin Jenny, her boyfriend Josh and I were sitting on the couch at 5 a.m. after a night full of tequila and techno music. Joshs dog Nessie was sitting between my feet and I was patting the back of her neck when I heard Jenny start to gasp for air. At first I thought she was laughing really hard about something and couldnt catch her breath, bu
| It comes and it goes. Apathy lies at the root of everything I don't write. Tragedy at the root of everything I do. |
Fly With Us

When She Falls Downwell i did it i became what i was while everyone else stayed as they are they're all still standing at the horizon waiting for the sun to rise i have my back turned.....waiting for it to fall....and set before my eyes so that the darkness can take me home again so that i can finish what i thought i let begin i trust no one....i know nothing the truth has no sound to me anymore everything wears the face of these lies while whatever remains....of what was once true crumbles in front of me and diesWhen She Falls Down
the little girl in me....who wanted to believe that everything c
| Brilliance. |
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"You've managed to entirely discount a person's ability to self edit based on the situation."
I didn't necessarily do that. I just didn't mention it. I didn't say people should not swear any time, anyway - you might remember I did say swearing had its own place - what I was trying to say was that the majority of people I've met that swear treat it as if it's not offensive. I'm glad to hear that you have the sense to not swear around people that would be offended if you did. But unfortunately, you are in the minority.
"Having a dirty mouth will do nothing to keep you from getting a job or any similar repercussion if you have enough common sense to self edit."
Exactly, duh. That's why I said "SWEARING RAMPANTLY," meaning NOT self-editing.
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Warning: Signature at work.
"Swearing rampantly" is not a clear definition of terms. You'll want to be very clear about these things. If you ever get the opportunity to take a logic course (or just an entry level philosophy course) I recommend it. It's largely helpful in writing essays of this nature.
--
Says he's a poet
This time he's gonna blow it
'Cause he's dancing with his ego
I took a vow of silence
When he reads his work to me
I swallow words like a placebo
-Flesh Mechanic, Placebo
I didn't mention the point because:
A. I thought it was clear enough what audience I was trying to reach.
B. I hadn't thought that people who had swearing under control would actually take issue with this.
Anyways, you make a good point, and I think I'll add a sentence or two to clarify further my target audience.
According to Wiktionary, the definition of rampant is: "unrestrained or unchecked." This seems pretty clear to me.
I don't know you, you don't know me, but trust me, I don't need any logic or philosophy courses. I couldn't even begin to explain why.
Thank you for your input, you've been very helpful. I think I'll make the aforementioned changes and make sure that it's 100% clear before I re-upload it to my DA.
--
Warning: Signature at work.
Anywho, sorry if my critique was unclear at first. Thanks for being so cool about it, though. Nothing worse than someone who refuses to improve something he or she has obviously already put a good deal of thought into.
The philosophy comment was mostly because Weston's Rulebook for Arguments totally whipped my writing (in all disciplines) into shape.
--
Says he's a poet
This time he's gonna blow it
'Cause he's dancing with his ego
I took a vow of silence
When he reads his work to me
I swallow words like a placebo
-Flesh Mechanic, Placebo
I also talked with my teacher a bit more and I'm gonna make a few minor changes. She agreed with me in that she thought the audience was clear enough, but if you were unsure, then I'm sure others could be unsure, so I'll probably change some wording to further clarify.
No problem. Thanks for the point of view and comments.
--
Warning: Signature at work.
Thank you!
--
Says he's a poet
This time he's gonna blow it
'Cause he's dancing with his ego
I took a vow of silence
When he reads his work to me
I swallow words like a placebo
-Flesh Mechanic, Placebo
--
"Buy a ticket. Take the ride."
B. Hibbard
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